Holding your selves together

And Happy New Year (to me)!

May 29, 2024

“How many of you are there, and where do you hide them all?” Lord Debling asked Penelope (holla at my fellow Bridgerton peeps). She’s new at sharing herself with people she hasn’t known her whole life, and for once, someone saw there’s more to her than meets the eye.

I carry so many me’s inside! So do you.

I remember learning that we aren’t our thoughts, we have thoughts. Wild right? Our brain produces all these thoughts (some more questionable than others) yet we have the capacity to observe them and, by that logic, change them.

This is Gemini energy in action. Happy Gemini season my friends! We’ll be exploring this concept of multiple selves in today’s dive into Living Curiously.

Gemini seeing things

Gemini is the third sign of the Zodiac, after Aries (fire) and Taurus (earth). It’s the first of three air signs. Gemini is like gusts of wind, curious tricksters, winged things, early morning chirps, chats with best friends, pollinators of plants and ideas.

Whereas Aries is the spark of conscious action and Taurus is sensorial, embodied worth, Gemini speaks to our capacity to hold multiple perspectives — it’s complexity, curiosity, cunningness, and a whole swirl of other things. It’s the part of us that thinks, perceives, communicates, shares, understands, listens, and learns.

Gemini represents the phase of early development where we begin to label our reality to make sense of it. We realize “oh I’m me and they’re them and this is that.” We develop words and thoughts which slowly give us a sense of us in the world. This is why Gemini is known as the twins, or duality: it can perceive separate things at once.

It’s so easy to feel at the mercy of all the bullshit spewing in your head, stuck in the tornado of meddling thoughts. In those moments, you identify as those thoughts. But they are not you, you are just having them. So what’s going on here?

We are family. I got all my sisters with(in) me.

There’s this incredible strain of psychology that speaks to this: parts work, otherwise known as Internal Family Systems (IFS). It’s this idea that we each carry a host of different “selves” within us that are each born from various experiences and people we adapted to in early development. Each self, part, or family member inside you has a role and personality, which also means they have distinct needs.

Side note: what’s SUPER interesting is that Astrology is another system that speaks to this. Each planet represents a different part of you and each sign a different archetype of your personality. It’s incredibly powerful to work with all your different aspects in this way to really embrace the full range of you.

No wonder your head can feel so overwhelming right? There’s lots of yous in there!

Tend to them, all

When you’re going through a moodswing, consider this: there are two selves present each with disparately opposing feelings and needs. They are at odds with each other, hence the swing. You, as the holder of selves, let each have their say and their feel, yet you, as the experiencer of selves, think it’s all you and all messy. It’s quite confusing!

It seems a miracle we can have so much going on in our brains, holding all this complexity at once (even without noticing it!). So how can you work with this?

One of my number one tools for self-regulation and self-development is self-talk. Long before I learned about IFS, I intuitively started talking to myself. Seems simple right? When I notice a difficult thought or feeling arise (key word is notice there — you can’t notice when you’re stuck IN the thought), I begin to talk to myself like I’m two people. We have a back and forth. I ask and listen and soothe and remind, and the other shares and complains then calms and settles. I basically listen to their needs until that self feels seen and heard. Then we go on with our day. And I do this over and over again, every time I notice a self emerge.

New Year, New Me

I think this came naturally to me because I’m a Gemini rising. And I was inspired to write about this because it’s my own personal New Year! What does that mean?! Well, the Sun is currently right on top of my ascendent line in my birth chart. The ascendent line marks the start of the Zodiac wheel, just like the Spring Equinox starts a new cycle in the wheel of the year. The Ascendent closes the 12th house and opens the 1st house, a whole new journey beginning. And what exactly is the journey? Well it’s the journey of experiencing more of you, of course! Each turn of the wheel marks your personal evolution, a new phase of growth of living and trying and experiencing your selves and all life has to offer in the face of a new cycle on planet Earth. Like the sun rising to a new phase of you.

So, with that, Happy New Year to me!

See, while you have all these selves popping up throughout your day-to-day, there are also selves that emerge as you go on living. This is a key learning in self-development and self-actualization. You are literally calling on a part of you that is already within you to emerge. You call on them because you know they’re there, just not here yet. But when they come forth, your other parts need to adapt and make space for this waking one. Uncomfy territory, to say the least. Many parts of you absolutely despise change.

This is why New Year's resolutions and vision boarding and manifesting are equally inspiring and incredibly tough. A part of you wants so badly to embody a new you, but another part of you will do anything to keep things the same — to stay “safe” (or what they consider feels safe). The key is to hold both parts of you and speak with them, helping them get to know each other so they can more quickly adapt and live peacefully inside you together.

Rooting down

And because Astrology is so. damn. real. I’m of course experiencing a shift of selves right now. While the last few years have called me towards expansion—learning many modalities, working many jobs, experiencing many things—this year I’m called towards depth. I have grown far and wide. Now I yearn to grow deeper into myself and what I know, instead of trying to pack more inside me. I’m simplifying what’s up here to deepen what’s down there. My wild winds need a place to settle, so I’m learning to become a valley. Already this year I feel more grounded in myself than ever, as though I’m maturing from the roots up. My collection of selves are making room. And I’m curious as ever to notice what self emerges next!

I hope this exploration brought a helpful perspective for you and your family of selves! Would love love love to hear any thoughts you have on this.